Foul mood this week. I'm once again having an asthma attack. Another day, actually night of just sitting in a chair all night until morning,lying in bed makes breathing more difficult for me. Sigh!
For almost half of my life, I've been dealing the with illness and it was never easy. I never knew that I had asthma before, during my elementary years, I was healthy as a bull. I was never sick (except for fever) in fact, I was a member of our track and field club. And mind you, I won a lot of competition inside and outside our school despite the fact that I never had formal training with a coach nor have proper track and field gears. In my own conclusion, my body started showing some signs that I had asthma during one track and field competition where it was a supposed 1000 meter run. Since our school ground isn't that big, we were told to run ten (10) times around that school ground. During my eight trip, I started having difficulty breathing, I thought it was just because I'm tired (I participated in almost all of the categories prior to the 1000 meter run) Despite having to breath triple times, I still managed to won the race. But my mom had to assist me since I can no longer stood straight because I can no longer breath easily. I feared that I might faint. It would be a big disgrace to me and my mom who was there to support me (I was the prime athlete of our school, ahem).
Saving money to buy this.
My asthma started getting worse during my high school days when I was forced to stop being an athlete and focus on my studies. I was doing well in academics, got the fifth (5) rank overall in the first year level. The competition in our classroom academically was so high that I was left with no choice but to study hard and play sports that were not so demanding (like scrabble and a bit of chess) Then one day, after eating peanuts and a couple of chocolates, I received an errand from my teacher to fetch something in her classroom, so I ran all the way from point A to point B. Afterwards, I started to catch my breath, literally. I have to suck more air since I had a difficulty breathing. Later on, I was back to normal. But the next day, I had the same problem. I was left with no choice but to go to the school clinic. Our adviser had to make my classmate fetch my mom in our house to report that I had an asthma attack. The next day, I was so sick that I did not went to school and had to visit our family doctor. Upon reaching the clinic, I made a big mess by throwing up in the street, my poor mom had to clean it for me. It was confirmed, I have asthma. That was the prognosis of our family doctor. I was given plenty of medicines. When I went to school the next day, I had to eat my lunch there inside our classroom with my other classmates. I was so ashamed to take my medicines in front of my friends. But I had no choice! Since that day, I started receiving "special treatments" from my teacher. Had to transfer seats close to the door, was not allowed to lift heavy objects, can't perform with my classmates during P.E and etc.. It was not fun at all, it was also during those times, that I got bullied by my other classmates, they started making fun of me. They thought I was merely play acting just to get away with everything. But the truth was, I was suffering more than they know it. In fact, it was double the pain. Since I had to take care of myself, I also have to deal with their hurtful words. They were scoffing and making fun of me, calling me over acting and so on and so forth. I learned to just shrug it off and make them believe that it was nothing. But the truth was, I was more hurt than they could have possibly know. Fortunately, I had some real friends who stood by me, accepted me and my shortcomings and even fought on my side.
Haven't used this in two (2) years, so it's a bit dirty.
During my sophomore year, Christmas vacation, it was my mom's birthday and I greedily consumed almost a whole chicken sa isang upuan. The next day, I experienced the worst asthma attack I had so far. I remember just lying in a room sucking for precious air. It was during that time I questioned God why I have to go through that hard time. My mom told my oldest brother to call for a taxi. They finally decided to take me to the hospital. During that ride my mom was cradling my head telling me that everything will be alright. But the truth was, I was not okay. I was so tired that I just want to close my eyes and sleep. But my mom was persistent, she never want to me relax. God only knows what would have happened during that time if I let myself lulled to sleep. The taxi were riding committed a violation by "u turn"ing just to get to the hospital. I was taken to the E.R. I didn't even flinched when they took a huge amount of blood from me. I wasn't feeling anything, they injected me this and that, still I felt nothing. The doctor said, if my mom had brought me a day later, I could have died, since my lungs wasn't functioning well anymore. I was in a 50-50 state. My left lung was no longer functioning. I was automatically admitted to the hospital. And have to spend my New Year in the company of some people I don't know, and a nurse who was happily banging something and shouting "Happy New Year" outside our door.
These are not birth control pills, they're my anti-asthma medicine. :D
Years past, I became a regular visitor of hospital. Some people advised my mom to get me an "inhaler" but she didn't. They said, it's addictive and she doesn't want me to solely depend on it. If I can handle it, then she lets me take care of myself. But if things gets worst, that the time,they decide to take me to the hospital. My latest hospital visit happened few years ago. It was also the most emotional, every time a nurse comes inside my room and injects a medicine
in the hose of my dextrose (dunno the medical term of it) tears just fell from my eyes even if I tried my darn best to stop them. The pain was just so excruciating. But it paled compared to the toughest part that a patient and his/her family has to undergo. The paying of bills! My first hospital bill was more than twenty (20) thousand pesos! And the latest was ten (10) thousand pesos for just one (1) and a half day! It was during that time that I made a vow not to be hospitalized anymore.But it was easier than said than done. The only thing that made me sane is the fact that my family is always there to support me. Whenever I have an asthma attack, they all get involved whether I like or not. I often get emotional during this attacks not because I'm in great pain but because of the great deal of sacrifice my family has to undergo just to make me feel better. I remember this incident when I was lying on the floor crying and my older sister had my head on her lap wiping my tears and telling me to stop crying because it will only make my breathing a lot more difficult and my younger sister is on the other side crying while witnessing my situation.
Every once and a while, I still suffer from asthma attacks, the doctors said, there is no permanent cure for this illness, it's a life long burden that I have to bear with me. I still get mad and upset every time I suffer from this malady. But I found some ways to make myself better, and that is to relax, think of some positive things, the love of my family and most especially believe in God. :D
